Sick-- and Tired of it!

So exactly one week ago, I took my first sick day off work since I've been in New York. For one year and two months, I've been fortunate enough to never receive any sort of illness that would require me to stay home on bed rest, and then last week I had to go and destroy my good-health streak. I would have done all I could do to hide it-- I actually did that for about a week, and then one day I just crashed. I called mom as I was leaving work early on Tuesday and asked her what I should get at Duane Reade-- for all of you that may not know what a Duane Reade is, let me explain.
If you've ever been to New York City you remember-- for they're nearly impossible to miss-- the Duane Reade drugstores on nearly ever corner, every corner that the Starbucks' are not. I literally just typed "Duane Reade Drugstore New York, NY" into the Google Maps search and just for my little Manhattan Island 1,941 results showed up! Wild I know-- what can I say, New Yorkers need their drugs, and this is where we go to get them. So back to my story . . . I'm on the phone with mom. . . sneezing like crazy. . . headachey. . . can't get enough tissues . . . ears throbbing from blowing out my brains all day. . . puffy watery eyes. . . and to top it off, my Asthma started kicking in. . . wheezing. . . yes Morgan, wheezing-- and I couldn't help but laugh listening to myself. haha. . . Mom escorted me through the aisles making sure I got more then everything I needed. . . just in case. . . haha we got all different kinds of medicine, a new big box of tissues, some Clorox antibacterial wipes so nobody else would get sick, cough drops etc. Mom was so patient with me but I couldn't put the phone right up to my ear. . . they just ached to hear anything, not that you were annoying or loud mom, I promise.
I handed over my goods to the cashier, along with my last paycheck-- okay, it wasn't quite that much, but sure felt like it! I got home with my new "Cure-me" tool kit, and called mom for further instruction. "You put this on now. . . take a little of that. . . take your this. . . put that on. . . drink this. . . put some of that in it. . ." I was so overwhelmed by the thought of actually nursing myself back to good health. This was something I've never had to do before-- and I never realized how hard it actually is. You have to be the sick patient and the nurse at the same time-- What?! So overcome with a flood of built up emotions, this final realization. . . broke down my dam, and I fell apart. I felt like I was three again, throwing a three year old tantrum, must be watching too much "Supernanny" lately, because I fell to my knees sobbing, with my purse coat and everything, telling mom that I couldn't do it. She talked back to me like I was three, "Oh come on Chan, seriously, you need to take care of yourself or you won't get better!" I knew she was right, but I felt so sick I couldn't even listen to her anymore, so I minded her and got back up, took everything she told me to, just like she said-- no cutting corners, because I'd have to tell her later when she would ask me, and she'd make sure I did it all sooner or later. Then I crashed. . .
So this was all last week. I stayed in bed all day and just told my body that was all the time I would give it, because I had things to get done-- and a life I had to get back to. Well I thought it minded me. . . I felt well enough that next day to go back to work, but at a lack of energy. I don't do anything wildly strenuous at work, so that didn't cause any problems.
Halloween was kinda a rebound day. . . I had some errands to run, and then felt blah by the time my Friends were ready to go out. I didn't want to be a party-pooper, and I thought that it would be fun to finally see the Halloween parade that I have heard so much about. So I went. It took over an hour to get down to the village. It was totally night time-- totally dark-- and totally pouring. There were a million people, and I'm no giant-- so it was impossible for me and the majority of people there to even see anything. I lasted about a whole 5 min. It was so not worth getting sick again-- and luckily there was another girl, Rachel that was feelin' the need to ditch the remainder of the parade with me. I was sorry to see her costume drenched. She was going to a dance after the parade-- so she had friends to see, and guys to meet! Poor thing, I think that we left soon enough that she was able to salvage her costume for the dance though-- and she had naturally curly hair so the rain only helped improve her locks! This was my Halloween 2009-- woohoo! Haha I seriously can't wait to make up for it in 2010, I've got a feeling that it will be a very good year!
Oh yea, so I'm sick today. I know the suspense is just killin' ya and you're just dying to hear all about it! So I woke up this morning with a little tummy ache, nothing unbearable, just a bit of discomfort. It wasn't till I started putting my makeup on that I literally watched my face in the mirror as it turned a pale pale green. I immediately started sweating that chilling sweat that only comes when you know you're body is about to tell you something you're never ready to hear. I was instantly so nauseous that I turned and knelt down, hunched over the toilet praying for whatever ailment inside me to find it's escape-- preferably in the next twenty minutes, so I wouldn't be late for my train.
No ailment released- I felt like if their was no physical evidence that I was sick, that I could make it through another work day. I was fine enough to stand now, just taking my weak stomach into consideration as I proceeded to gather my things for work in a delicately slow, gentle manner. I caught my first train! So excited that I was just sure today was going to be a smooth day from here on out. My second train came, but was so jammed packed that it took a few seconds for the people on the train to organize themselves in a manner that would allow an accessible exit for the subway patrons to get off of thier train onto the platform. There were maybe 8 or so that got off and about 15 of us or so waiting to get on to take their places. We all crammed ourselves in, and I immediately closed my eyes because of my vulnerable, claustrophobic tendencies. Then the doors snapped tightly closed right behind me. We were all going to be stuck like this for the next 13 minutes or so-- and that was only without any delays. I have been forced to survive in similar circumstances since I've been here and have learned from those experiences that the best thing for me to do is to loosen my scarf and unbutton my jacket, keep my eyes closed, continue to breathe listening to each breathe, and just think about anything but where I was, and how many people I'm smashed up against, and how impossible it would be to escape if there was any sort of emergency. . . underground. My favorite place to go to is a beautiful spacious green field, full of colorful flowers. I imagine just walking around, taking time to smell each flower, imagine the petals, their unique sweet scent, the fresh cool breeze in my face, and Morgan holding my hand. Yea I know-- totally cheesy-- Fuzz don't kill me for writing this! haha but just the thought of being in such a peaceful SPACIOUS place is normally enough to do the trick. Exceptions are few and far between. . . but today was one of those especially rare occasions-- I thought I was going to die. No even worse than that, I knew I was going to puke on 15 zillion strangers that I would unavoidably run into every other morning for the rest of my time here in the city as their commuting schedule conforms exactly with mine--
The cold sweat began again, almost the instant the doors clamped shut behind me, I was so hot but so cold at the same time. I kept my chin up, and just thought about the breathing, how important it was just to continue to breathe. . . I struggled to keep my eyes closed, and stay focused on the field, the flowers, so many different colors and sweet smells. . . Fuzz right there, telling me that I was going to be just fine, squeezing my hand tightly. I thought about his medicinal touch, whenever I've been sick. I had already undone my scarf and unbuttoned my coat, so I frantically put my hand up to my stomach, just to barely touch it-- essentilly giving it that "magical" touch. The touch was fatal. I knew the instant that my fingers grazed my stomach that I wasn't going to be okay. Not for a while. I could feel the icy cool sweat drip down my temples. I hadn't realized how much I was perspiring until then. . . It was impossible for me to refrain from my panic now! I was going to puke. So many innocent people. . . would have to suffer because I selfishly chose to ride the subway today- sick. I thought about the 5o million adds I'd seen on the train that said, "If your feeling under the weather. . . STAY HOME!" and "Nobody else wants to get sick!" Idiot-- what was I thinking! I thought about the most recent add that included the high statistics for New Yorkers that don't have any paid sick days. My stupidity was not only going to cause these innocent victims fatal discomfort-- it was going to cost them valuable time, and money too! I couldn't bear to watch out the window as we skipped the various subway stops. . . 125th. . .116th. . .110th. . . 103rd. . .96th. . .86th. . .81st. . . and then 72nd. . ! I knew that if I could just hold my breath a second longer we would be to 59th street and then the doors would open and I could save these peoples lives! But the train began to slow down, and it took longer than I had anticipated, my hurling timer had gone off too soon--- this was it. . . Suddenly I saw a light--I'm serious-- we were there! At the station! How much more pathetic was it going to look when I erupted on all of these nice people just as the doors were finally beginning to open. HERE I GO. . . I faced the door, not sure where exactly I was aiming. . . dry heave. . .YES! There was nothing there! Just then the doors opened. . . and there was the trash can! HOORAY! I continued to dry heave as I made my way over to the trash can, not sure if I'd even be able to reach the top of it when I got there. . . I was shocked that people weren't staring or trying to get away from me, and then I thought about how I probably looked to them; it probably looked just like I was coughing-- hard. I made it to the trash can just in time. . . blagh! Stomach acid galore--- now everybody was watching-- the two trains on either side of me, the people all around me on the platform, the group of officers standing in front of me. . . blagh. . .I couldn't have cared less-- I had made it! Prayer is real! I felt like I had just saved my whole planet from a toxic explosion. Even after my episode at the garbage can, I still didn't feel like I was safe to get back on the trains for a little bit. Oh no-- I needed some time. I came out of the hole in the ground, called mom and dad-- and asked what to do. I called my work and told them that I didn't know what I had, food poisoning, the flu, or whatever, but that I didn't think that it would be smart, or safe for them if I went in to work. When I finally made it home I was grateful for my resolution- because I still felt sick. My room was normal temperature but as I got in bed I couldn't stop shaking! I was so cold,. . .even with all of my millions of blankets on top of me-- I just felt like I was holding an Ice pack in the freezer-- nothing was changing, I wasn't getting any warmer. Somehow, sometime after that, I finally fell asleep. After my bizarre 3 hour crash-- I say bizarre, because my dreams are always insane whenever I have any sort of a fever, or my body just isn't feeling well-- I received a phone call from my work, calling to check up on me. I knew that today was office day-- and that it was already going to be a crazy busy day for everybody there-- and with me gone I knew that there were some things that just were not going to get done. So I told my work that I would be happy to work from bed for the next few hours-- I was glad to have something to do to make me feel like I wasn't completely worthless today, and to help them out a little bit.
So here I am. . . . writing about my 2 whole sick days in the city-- completely different symptoms, completely different stories, hoping to end this exhausting, recurring pattern here and now. I don't have any more time to be sick! I have Melissa, my cousin, coming this weekend, and then Morgan coming in two weekends~! I'll be home-home in 3 weeks after that-- and then I run my race 3 weeks after Christmas! That pretty much takes up all of my sick, personal, and vacation days for the next year! Tara-- I'll try to still save one for you and Trav;)
With all those fun things coming up-- I don't even have time to let the thought of being sick cross my mind. I am grateful to be getting this all out of my system right now. So I can just enjoy the rest of my time out here!
Everybody watch what you touch. . . wash your hands constantly and just DON'T get Sick- okay?!