Just another Chan Story. . .: June 2012

I can't believe it's summer already! We were able to go home a couple weeks ago for our vacation-- it was awesome! It started with Fuzz's triathlon at Buffalo Springs Lake--- his very first! We got there extra early because we’d volunteered to help at the little kid tri that preceded his, they were so adorable!

It had been stormy for a couple days so it was pretty cool, jacket-wearing, weather. I was nervous for him to get in the water because it seemed way too cold, however he told me later that the water actually felt fine, it was the waves that made it a lil bit of a challenge for him. Open water is sooo much different than swimming in a pool. He was way dizzy after the swim, but kept on going! He was awesome and got an excellent time! I was super impressed ;)

After that we headed home for a quick change and then headed to Christoval for my friend Kaci and Barrett’s wedding. It was about 3 ½ hours away and we would be cutting it super close—but we made it just in time to freshen up and change into our wedding-appropriate attire. The wedding was soooo gorgeous. It took place in a chapel in front of this amazing vineyard!

A young man at the front door held out his arm like such a gentleman and escorted us to our seats—such chivalry caught me off guard--- this southern hospitality I’m so unfamiliar with had me stunned! Fuzz too! I didn’t dare not take this stranger’s arm, but I didn’t know what to do with Fuzz, hold his hand while I held this other guys arm? Or just let him follow us? Later we laughed as we talked about this and Fuzz said that he was looking around waiting for some girl to come grab his arm and so graciously escort him to our seats too! I love being treated like a lady—it was like we were in a different time period there for a second! Even though my husband treats me like a queen, it’s sad that men don’t in general treat woman like ladies—anyways, they did at Kaci’s wedding! There was a woman singing prelude in the chapel, with the most beautiful voice—everything seemed so perfect and then the actual wedding began. The bridesmaids were not only escorted down the aisle, but right to their place at the front of the chapel! I’ve performed at weddings for the past 15 or so years--- I’ve seen my fair share—for sure-- and was astounded by the respect these groomsmen showed towards the bridesmaids. The chapel was filled with people who loved and cared for this couple! It was now Kaci’s turn to walk down the aisle---- she was so gorgeous! And immediately began to cry—a happy cry of course! We were so happy for her!

It was a very sweet ceremony, tears on and off throughout ;) We stayed for the dinner that followed and then drove back that night to Lubbock.

Monday afternoon after Fuzz’s last final we packed up our truck and left for UT. It was such a long drive. Fuzz only slept for about an hour, I might have slept just a lil bit longer. We got to Hurricane which is just about 15-20 min outside of St. George around 9 in the morning and thought we’d stop by Grandma and Grandpa Johnson’s house. We were driving down their street when we saw this handsome old man with his walker--- a few houses down from where we were headed—it was Grandpa. He’s got Macular Degeneration so he’s almost totally blind; I was stunned to see him out on a walk all by himself! We got out and said hello;) it took him a sec to figure out who I was but then when he figured it out invited me over to his house:) he started calling for Grandma. Oh they’re such sweet people! We had a good visit with them and then headed on our way the last bit to St. George.

We had so much fun with our families! I got to hang out with Jordan-- she helped us make bread and scones and babysit Ellsie.

We got to go to Mckenna's piano recital, final choir concert, and Brooklyn's 5th grade graduation.

Mom has been helping out at the ward's garden and we gotta go check it out with her. It looks awesome!

We got to spend time with our friends and relatives and nieces that we love so much!!!

It took a sec for Ellsie to figure out who we were. . . she looked at us like "Who are these people that love me so much?!" and kinda just smiled like she was trying to be nice and not hurt our feelings at first. . . but then she figured it out;) she loves her Uncle Fuzz and Aunt Nanning!

This was the first time we ever met Whitlee our newest niece! She's Fuzz's sister Julie's lil cutie! She was so patient with us as we got to know her, but I think she likes us;)

We hung out a lil bit with Shaye-babe! He's such a handsome kid!!! We went to his rugby end-of-the-year banquet-- it was so fun! Though, we wish we had been able to make it to one of his games before his season ended ;( he was one of the team captains--- but no worries, this is not the end of rugby for him. I'm sure next season hopefully we'll get to see him play!

Don't we have such beautiful nieces! It was fun to see these little cuties because they don't live in St. George so we don't get to see them every time we go home. They are such sweethearts!!! And are growing up WAY too fast!

So we finished our trip off with a triathlon that we did together at Sand Hollow Reservoir -- the St. George Triathlon. It was so much fun! I was scared to death to swim in open water even though I've swam for my entire life, I've never really swam in open water-- I have this fear. It actually stems from this fear I have of sharks. Like a make's-no-sense fear of sharks. I'm scared to death of sharks in swimming pools even though I know that there is no possible way that they can get there. I still am so sure that they're there. Weird-- I know this. But I have met others that are in this same club that swear along with me that if they're not careful, they're going to be eaten by a shark in a pool someday. So pools are way clearer and sharks are a trillion more times descernable in than in big dark lakes. I sometimes do these things I like to call "freak-outs" because that essentially what they are-- where I just all of the sudden "freak out." I do this especially when I'm colostrophobic, like in airplanes when everyone stands up at the same time and I'm at the very back of the plane and the aisle is blocked, I wanna just scream for everyone to clear the aisle because I feel like I'm suddenly becoming suffocated-- I have to duck my head down so I can't see it or just close my eyes-- or I'll freak out. I knew that the subways were going to be a challenge for me when I moved to New York, and even though I got very close several times, I only had one big "freak out." A train had come late (I was already on it) and a the crowd on the platform had only accumulated. Everyone wanted to get on this train-- only this was totally impossible. They crammed there way in-- I think I was touching like ten people at the same time -- I was trying so so hard to hold back my freak out-- I was getting smashed against the backwall and more and more people were selfishly cramming themselves in-- I couldn't take it anymore and just screamed--- oh I can only imagine what a psycho I looked like-- I was past even thinking, " I can't breathe I'm getting off!!!!!!!!" I yelled for them to hold the door while I forced my way out and off the train onto the platform. So many awesome stares. A new encounter with my colostrophobia occured this past year when we went with some of our friends to a big movie at the big IMAX theatre in El Paso-- it was packed and we were about smack-dab in the middle.

It was a huge theatre and as far as I could see all it was entirely sold out—totally jammed packed! The movie had just started and all of the sudden I started having a “freak out”—I asked Fuzz if he felt like there was enough air in the room--- of course he said yes. But I seriously thought I was being suffocated and I couldn’t breathe and I knew that if I let myself I’d start trying to run down the aisle and the exits looked so far away—I’d totally make a scene mad-dashing towards them—and then what? Would I just sit in the parking lot for the next two hours waiting for everyone to get out of the movie, it took a long time but eventually mind over matter started kicking in and I eventually started feeling like I could breathe again. I was so relieved to have made it through it—and it really was a great movie I would have totally missed out. So what does all of this have to do with this tri? Well from these examples it's evident that my fear of "freak-outs" was a legitimate concern, if I had a freak out in the middle of this lake I could drowned! I was totally psyched out--- I didn't care about the bike ride or the run hardly at all I just was so worried worried about seeing or feeling something that I'd mistake for a shark and then have a freak out! So I expressed my concerns to my neighbor Jamaica, and she consoled me by saying, "Well it is freaky swimming in open water-- at first you'll think the Titanic just went down!" And then told me about how there are all these rocks that just look like big dark spots-- and that's kinda freaky! So I'm going in to this race like a thousand times more freaked out than I was in the first place. I just don't wanna think about sharks, or the titanic or big dark rocks or deep water-- I though about my mantra. . . "just keep swimming. . . swimming. . .swimming. . . almost finished! . . . look in the distance at that old volcano (to stay on course). . . this is so much fun!!! ;). . . I can breathe. . . beautiful day!!!. . . happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts!!!!!!!"

So it's about time for us to start the swim. Everyone is getting in the water. I jump in with Fuzz -- it's freezing cold, but i'm fine, I feel like I've got my nerves under control. But I can't see my family anywhere... They probably had to park literally miles away. I just keep thinking I'm fine, no need to freak out. Fuzz is right there. Then they blow the horn. Everyone is like swimming on top of each other, I think the adrenaline is making me swim faster than I should, because I feel like my breathing isn't keeping up with the rest of me. I begin to realize that the reason I feel like this is because I'm not breathing. The water is so cold that every time I go to put my face in the water the shock of it essentially startles me and I'm so stiff that I can't even inhale, and what I can inhale ends up being half water, I feel like I'm choking, like my chest and lungs won't expand. I'm drownding! If that thought doesn't cause a freak out I don't know what does. I felt like I was being swallowed by the lake and I had only just begun. I struggled in panic mode to even hold a thought other than, "Oh my gosh! I'm drownding!!!!!" but then I remembered that could flip onto my back and just do the backstroke--- even though I swore that that was a last resort option for me--- well I was there, at my last resort. I flipped over and all of the sudden I could breathe again!!!! YAY!!! I was staring up at the sun! It never looked more wonderful! I was sure that after sometime my body would acclimate itself with the temperature of the water and I'd be able to swim normal again, however, everytime I'd turn back around my body would "freak out" again and I'd have to take a sec to stop choking and turn again onto my back. This happened so many times that I decided however off-course I might be by doing the back stroke, I was losing more time by choking trying to swim the normal free-style stroke. So I decided I would just stay on my back. There was someone in a kayak that was waving his paddle at me and said,"Just look at me and I'll try to help you stay on course!" So I did ;) he was very helpful, but I didn't have him on the turn around on my way back, however I was extremely grateful for his help! I decided that tri's bring me closer to God. I think I was praying almost the entire time. Probably one of the longest prayers of my life! But I know that I couldn't have finished/(survived!) without His help. When I got out of the water I didn't even care what my time was or how much time I'd lost swimming zig-zags on my way back--- I was alive! And there was my family-- right there on the dock---egging me on! I wanted to just kneel down and bawl-- that was So scary!!!!!!But I was done, I had finished!

Now I just had to go ride my bike and run ;) my bike had been having issues switching gears so I was a little nervous about switching them unless I absolutely had to---which normally you HAVE to when your going up and down hills, but fortunately for me the bike worked like a charm! My seat had been wabbly but my mother-in-law DeAnn was awesome and got it fixed for me the day before. I felt like my bike was brand-spanking-new again! There was this monster hill I was kinda nervous about climbing, because I'd barely made it up it when we'd come out and trained on it the day before, but I just kept repeating my mantra--- this one was a little bit different than the swimming, it was super hot and I just kept thinking,"Ice!!!! Cold water!!!! Just keep moving!!! This is so much fun!!! Breathe . . . breathe. . . breathe!!!! You didn't drowned!!!!!!YAYAYAYAYA! There were others walking there bikes beside me and at times I felt like I wasn't moving any faster than they were, but I have my stupid pride and no matter what I just couldn't get off. I thought about how hard it would be to get back on if I did get off and knew that there was no way I could-- getting off wasn't an option . . . so I kept on repeating my mantra over and over until I finally finished. When I finished my bike ride my family was there, so was Fuzz! He was already finished! That's how good he is. . . or bad I am. . . probably both;) He had an Ice cold wet rag waiting for me! I put my bike down and he placed the wet rag on the back of my neck. I was in Heaven! The cool felt so good! My family was there, people were walking, I just kept telling myself not to walk, just keep running. Shaye had volunteered to help and drenched me with ice cold water as I ran past his station-- it was so awesome having him there!!! I decided that my family is what gives me my second ,third, fourth or whatever wind! Everytime I saw them I'd just get so excited and not think about how tired or hot it was. It meant the world to me to have them there.
So I finished. I didn't totally drowned. I didn't get off my bike even on the monster hill, and I didn't walk no matter how tired I felt. I had finished! Best feeling ever!!! When I came across the finish line Fuzz told me that it was 1:00pm. My heart sank. I had promised Tara that I'd play my harp with her at her friend's wedding and swore that I'd make it there in time!!! But the wedding started at 1 o'clock and was about 35 min away. I was feeling awful, and then Mom came up and said, "Hey you better get going if you want to make it there in time~!" Turns out Fuzz had Texas time on his watch -- it was an hour ahead!!! We sped out of there on our bikes to our car and somehow we made it to the wedding just in time. I hurried over to my harp and was surprised to find it was like totally in tune! The guests weren't even outside yet because it was too hot outside so it was just me and Tara out there for a sec until they were actually ready to begin. The timing was impecable! We played a quick prelude and then the canon. It was a short ceremony, but having Tara and I play meant the world to the bride and her family, they were extremely gracious and I was just soooo thrilled that we were able to make it there on time and not ruin her wedding! May 19th: A day of miracles.